Over the years, I’ve made some major mistakes. Some were fast and immediate. You know, those “oops” moments. Other, bigger mistakes, took months or years to reach a breaking point.
Recently, I had to come to grips with a very long-term issue that, ultimately, was caused by me and my actions over more than two years. My tendency is to deal with difficult situations by constantly tweaking, fine-tuning, and attempting to fix on the fly.
But sometimes the world forces me to simply stop, address the real issues, and push the big reset button. Gulp. That’s where I found myself.
My first reaction in times of trouble is always to admit: I did this. I got myself here, one step at a time. The optimist in me always wants to continue that admission with, “. . . and I will get myself back on the right path by taking one step at a time.”
But that last bit defies the need to STOP. Sometimes you just have to STOP and take stock. Stop and analyze how you got here before you start making plans to just move on.
Our culture constantly encourages us to just keep going. You’ve heard the old saying, “Shake it off.” That implies that you can actually just keep moving – even if you haven’t honestly examined the mistakes that got you where you are.
You might have several reactions to big mistakes, or those rare “total reset” moments. One common response is to blame someone or something other than yourself. It’s the economy. Or the circumstances. Or my medications. Or my competitors. Or the political climate. Or the system!
Blaming others for your problems boils down to something I consider another mistake: Worrying more about your self-esteem than you are about fixing the problems that caused the big mistake in the first place. Moving ahead in your life requires enough courage and humility to examine the role you played.
In all of your problems, there might be economics, circumstances, competitors, or other people. But the one thing they all have in common is YOU.
The larger the problem, the more likely we are to focus on our self-esteem than fixing the actual problem. In reality, the best path for moving forward is to focus on that big STOP sign, and spend time mulling over the problem – and the role you played in causing the problem.
As Carol Dweck advises in her book Mindset, you should spend time mulling over the issue before you choose your next path. In other words, you should spend time in deep introspection, not blaming others or making excuses.
Until you accept the role you play in the problems you have, you will never find a path that leads to repairing the problem. And that means you are likely to repeat the problem behavior again and again. Why? Simply because you haven’t taken actual responsibility to address the “real” problem. You don’t take ownership of your own behavior. So, of course, you can’t correct it.
Examining your biggest problems is painful. I understand that (trust me). But it really is the only path to changing big, long-term behavior that always leads to bigger and bigger problems over time.
Like everyone else, I love to focus on successful behavior. And I’m tempted to always look on the brighter side of things. And more than anything else, I love to focus on actions that keep me moving forward. But sometimes I have to STOP moving forward until I’ve taken the time to fix some problems.
Luckily, we’re talking about big, major, monster problems that rarely force you to come to a complete stop and push the reset button. When you find yourself in such a situation, it’s always tempting to make excuses and keep walking. But the faster you accept reality and address your role in creating the problems, the faster you can put yourself on a new path to actually move forward.
Moving forward without fixing root causes is not actually moving forward at all. You have to do the difficult work.
Something to think about. Literally.
That’s my opinion. How do you deal with these rare massive mistakes? I’d love your comments.
🙂
Disclaimer: The link to Mindset is an Amazon Affiliate link.
2 Responses
During the initial interview with prospects, I tell them that we all make mistakes, but there are the two most important things about mistakes are:
– To fail small, that is, make your mistakes survivable, and then,
– Learn fast, by taking responsibility for the mistake, and learning from it.
Finally, I suggest that when calling our references to ask how we responded to a mistake on our part and how they felt about that response.
Thanks, Josh. I really like the idea of calling clients with a specific ask – How did they respond to a mistake? That prompt is powerful.