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Do You Know How To Ask for What You Want?

Picture of Karl Palachuk

Karl W. Palachuk
June 15, 2011

Recently I found myself in two very different settings that resulted in similar, uncomfortable results. Both were business networking and “master mind” settings of truly amazing people.

In each setting the following scenario played out:

– People were given the opportunity to ask a room full of experts to help them with their businesses. Name any problem with your challenge and we’ll all brainstorm about how to help you.

– More than one person in this situation simply falls into a daze. “I’m not sure what to ask for. I wish people really understood the value of what I bring.” This was then followed by a stammering, flat sales pitch about their business.

– Some people are very excited to have the opportunity for feedback, but are simply lost about what they want.

– – – – –

It’s true in business and in your personal life: You can’t GET what you want until you can ASK for what you want. And you can’t ASK for what you want until you KNOW what you want.

Sometimes when we are overwhelmed and feeling “lost,” it can simply be a reflection of what’s going on at a deeper level. We know we can get up every day and do what we did yesterday. But that just continues the surface-level activities. It may not reflect the important decisions and beliefs that are changing at a deeper level.

When your day-to-day activities no longer align with your underlying values and vision, you begin to feel that some thing’s not right. But you can’t describe it, explain it, or even ask for help. You can’t ask for help because you haven’t figured out what’s wrong and what you want to do differently.

Think about it like the earth’s crust. Every day it’s pretty much like yesterday. But underneath the earth’s mantle there’s all kinds of activity. It changes all the time. And sometimes those changes have to work their way to the top. The earth shifts and groans. A minor earthquake here, a volcano there. The crust changes so that it sits more comfortably on the changing mantle. Then things settle down for awhile.

Quiet time allows your brain to start making these connections between the “new” changing you under the surface and the conscious you that has to get up tomorrow and live on the surface.

We all change all the time. Period. You can’t NOT change. But you can choose to ignore it and pretend it’s not happening. Or you can spend some time thinking about what’s going on and tuning into the changes that take place constantly.

Once you’re in tune with change, even if it’s unexpected or uncomfortable, you can describe where you are, where you want to be, and then ASK for help to get there.

And change is constant.

So you need to keep thinking about life and goals and happiness. Otherwise, the ground will have shifted again.



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